When the Parent Becomes the Child
Providing Care for Older Individuals
It should come as no surprise to anyone that we’re living longer.1 Over the recent past,
medical science has defeated numerous diseases that once shortened the lives of many.
These extra years are not without their problems; living longer allows people to come
down with illnesses that, in years past, they would not have lived long enough to develop.
As a person ages, health problems can gradually become overwhelming, to the point
where the individual is no longer capable of living independently or handling his or her
personal affairs. Often, a child will then step in to “help out.” Gradually, a role reversal
takes place in which the child becomes the parent and the parent becomes the child.
Planning Ahead - If Possible
If possible, planning ahead makes the process easier. A child who is taking over a parent’s
situation will often be handed total responsibility for the parent’s well being. To the
extent that the parent is able, he or she must be kept involved. Some key areas include:
· Finances: Managing the parent’s income, assets, and liabilities, paying the bills, and
seeing that income tax returns are prepared.
· Medical: Understanding the parent’s medical situation and history, insuring that needed
medical care is provided, and dealing with required medication.
· Benefits: Making maximum use of any benefits that might be payable from former
employers, Medicare, Medicaid, or the Veteran’s Administration.
· Key Documents: To carry out the parent’s wishes and legally act on the parent’s behalf,
an adult child will need key documents such as wills, trust documents, a durable power
of attorney for health care, a general power of attorney, and a “living will” or advance
health care directive.
When to Intervene?
Very few of us want to intrude in our parents’ lives. It is only when we begin to notice
certain “things” about Mom and Dad that we begin to consider stepping in. Problems such
as memory loss, dementia, diminished sight or hearing, incontinence, and falling are signs
it’s time to intervene. Two initial questions must be answered:
1. What needs to be done? What is the appropriate level of care and/or type of
living arrangement? Often, this question is answered in consultation with the
parent’s physician or with the help of a geriatric care manager.
2. Who will be in charge? This task frequently falls to the child who is the closest,
geographically, to the area where the parent resides. Sometimes, younger family
members may decide to share the responsibilities. In other instances, a child with
special skills or aptitudes may be chosen.
For example, a child born in the year 1900 had an average life expectancy of 47.3 years. However, for a child born in
2004, average life expectancy had increased to 77.8 years.
Source: National Center for Health Statistics. Deaths:
Final Data for 2004.
Care and Housing Options
Remaining in the family home is often the first choice of many elderly individuals.
However, because the home is either unsafe or ill-suited to their needs, other options must
be considered. The chart below lists a few of the alternatives:
Facility Type Description Advantages Disadvantages
Senior Adult
Condominiums.
Similar to home
ownership.
Usually age
restricted.
Living unit can often be
matched to the individual’s
needs. Few maintenance or
security concerns.
Individual must arrange for
own healthcare and personal
service needs. Rules may be
restrictive. Costs may be high.
Senior
Apartments.
Often age
restricted.
Individual can select a unit to
meet needs. May have common
services such as transportation,
recreation, or meals.
Individual must be able to live
safely and independently; must
arrange for own healthcare and
personal service needs.
Continuing
Care
Retirement
Community
Provide a range
of facilities,
including
independent
living, assisted
living, and
nursing home
care.
Different levels of services and
living arrangements are
available to meet an
individual’s needs as those
needs change over time.
Usually expensive. Require a
large initial entrance fee as
well as monthly charges. If
care provider is not financially
strong, monies paid may be
lost.
Assisted Living
Rental of
private rooms or
apartments, with
many services.
A wide range of personal
services are provided,
including laundry, meals,
house keeping, and 24 hour
monitoring.
Individual must be able to
move about and handle most of
their own physical needs.
Nursing Home Skilled nursing
facility
Provide care for individuals
who cannot live independently
because of physical or mental
impairments.
Can be quite expensive.
Quality of care can vary.
Preparing for the End
Even longer lives eventually end. The caregiver’s responsibilities in this final stage of life
are just as important as in any other. One key goal is to honor the terms of the elderly
individual’s advance health care directive. A “Do Not Resuscitate” order may be required,
when even heroic medical efforts serve no real purpose. You may have to arrange for
hospice care when death is near. Allowing the elderly the opportunity for a death with
dignity is as important as caring for them when they are alive.
For Additional information, resources or help finding a long term care insurance policy please contact 615-646-6969 or email by clicking the following: contact@tennesseeseniorservices.com
Information provided by Mutual of Omaha